Santa!

So, it's Christmas Eve. We are currently at my in-laws place after a long couple of weeks building up to Santa Day. We started a while back with the importance of being nice instead of naughty. We were ignored and Owen aimed for the naughty list. We bought an Elf on the Shelf and named him Artie, specifically pointing out that Artie would watch Owen's every move and report back to the big man every night. Artie was summarily pummeled and tossed about like a rag doll. Or rag elf.

Artie even played pranks to make sure Owen knew he was being watched. Owen's behavioral response to Artie can be summed up as 'Bah humbug.' Here are some of the situations we discovered our Elf in:

These next two photos are my favorites. Owen loves self-portraits and Artie did the same thing. No way Owen gets the subtle comedic nuance of these photos, but I think I'm clever.

Artie even visited Nana and Papa's house during a sleepover last weekend to make sure he was good away from home too. Of course Artie got into trouble there too:

The wife decided that next year, we'll have to tell the cold fat man to send an Elf that often gets caught being helpful so we can get pictures of him emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry, cleaning Owen's room, etc. Based on the effectiveness of Artie, I want to purchase the special upgrade offered by one of my Facebook Friends, "Krampus in the Closet". From the Krampus Wikipedia page:

'Krampus is a mythical creature recognized in Alpine countries. According to legend, Krampus accompanies Saint Nicholas during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children, in contrast to St. Nicholas, who gives gifts to good children. When the Krampus finds a particularly naughty child, it stuffs the child in its sack and carries the frightened child away to its lair, presumably to devour for its Christmas dinner.'

Sounds effective to me. Eventually, we decided that Owen was good enough to provide a nice recommendation to Santa. It might be 51-49, but I don't want to pay for the 'I got a lump of coal for Christmas when I was 3' therapy. What's the problem with coal anyway? I love the stuff, you can use it to cook meat products on a grill.

Now that we'd decided to give him presents, we had to start fighting about Christmas traditions. My family tradition was open one present on Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning. Mom would steer us toward a present that was acceptable to avoid heartache from a package of socks and to keep from opening the coolest present too early. I recall being 7 or 8 and insisting I open a gift that sounded good when shaken. Mom tried to convince me to pick another, but I went for it anyway. It was a belt, and I'm not sure if I cried, but there was DEFINITELY wailing and gnashing of teeth. Now that I am a parent that delights in the misery of my own child when physical pain is not involved, I can't imagine how much my parents laughed at me. They're great though, they didn't laugh in my face. Much.

Today, we hit my parent's house for Christmas Eve presents before coming to my in-laws, so no need to do the one present tonight. Once the kids read 'Twas the night before Christmas' with their Gan and set out the cookies and milk, it was off to bed. We immediately jumped on the stockings and Santa presents to get them ready. The Santa presents are the source of the greatest marital disagreements in 7 and a half years of marriage. Seeing everything wrapped up and the stack of presents nearly doubling overnight under the tree is simply amazing and might be my favorite thing about Christmas as a kid. But the wife's family is a bunch of heathens, leaving the toys unwrapped in front of the fireplace. Great, Santa brought him the AWESOME DRAGON CASTLE I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS AND THE EXCITEMENT HAS MADE THE PAJAMAS MOMMY AND DADDY GOt me super boring so I care naught about them.

He should be looking at the big blue felt bag containing said Dragon Castle for 4 hours tomorrow morning while we go through stockings and breakfast and Mommy and Daddy showers to let the anticipation build. Then, when ALL the other gifts have been opened, it's magic time. If nothing else, threats of taking away Santa presents might just buy us another few hours of behaving himself. Probably not.

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, anyone stirring had all of their presents returned to the North Pole so go to sleep."

And if you were wondering, being a Daddy and getting to eat Santa's milk and cookies makes them uber delicious.

CK