Flame Retardant Pajamas

40 pounds of sausage in a casing designed for 30 pounds. Yep, that's pretty much what Owen looks like in 4T pajamas. I really have no idea why kid's pajamas are all flame retardant, I'm sure there's one kid somewhere that would have been saved if they hadn't been wearing loose fitting jammies. Seems to me that ALL clothing for my boy should be flame retardant since he's far more likely to be close to our oven and the fireplace than making a flambe in his room. I don't think he's overweight. Sure, he's built like a 3rd round fullback, but he's definitely not a 1st round left tackle. Based on my informal survey of pot-bellies on 3 yr olds at the playground and in Owen's swim class, I'd say he's about average to above average pot-bellied. It's when I watch him running over people with those big thighs, my God a pre-schooler, that I can tell where all the meat is stored. His legs are massive, just like his Daddy. I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever say just like his Mommy.

The tops to flame retardant pjs are fine on him, but the bottoms are always really tight. Out of curiosity, I googled flame retardant pajamas and discovered there is a huge controversy. I knew there was some question as to whether the chemicals used to make them flame retardant were safe, but like everything else related to kids, it's evil and bad and they're going to kill our kids. I cruised through a couple of "Why Flame Retardant Pajamas Are Bad" pages and the crux of the argument seems to be that you don't know what chemicals and in what concentrations. My favorite post was from a Mom of two kids named Birch and Willow. I'll let you guess whether or not she switched from chemically jammies to organic untreated cotton. Her post was actually way better than the "CHEMICALS ARE EVIL!!!!" information most people put up.

Basically, in the 1970s, the Consumer Product Safety Commission decided that kids pajamas needed to be exposed to an open flame for 3 seconds. So various chemicals were used and had to be effective enough to still prevent lil' Junior from roasting after 50 runs through the laundry. Of course, some of these compounds were linked to genetic problems, damage to the nervous and reproductive systems, and possible carcinogens. I decided to google a second search phrase. "Why the hell do kid's pajamas have to be flame retardant?" Nothing of note. If you know why, I would be really curious to find out why in the world pajamas need to be flame-resistant.

In the meantime, I'm not going to worry about it too much. I probably looked like an over-stuffed sausage in the late 1970s and early 80s at bed time too, and I am clearly a genius, handsome, and very good at reproducing. Besides, organic cotton jammies are like $30 and have prints like free-range stallions, trees, and sea turtles being born and making the arduous trek back to the sea. For $10, I can get him spaceship, Star Wars, or Batman pjs. A more effective way to avoid the boy igniting himself is to take away the book of matches and flammable super glue I'm using to encourage construction of a mini-log cabin.

CK