The Toys 'R Us Big Book

If you're an animate life form, you clearly know that Christmas is coming. Halloween is still warm and Thanksgiving is tens of days away, but there's only 52 more shopping days left for you to express your love of Capitalism or the terrorists win. I don't think Owen quite realizes what's in store come 12-25. I don't think he really understands what's happening on 11-16, his third birthday, either.

Don't get me wrong, he TOTALLY understands the joy of unwrapping a present. Anyone receiving a gift in any situation causes him to clap, yell Happy Birthday, and try to help open any gifts that remain wrapped. Wrapping paper must be destroyed immediately.

We held a surprise baby sprinkle for my cousin last weekend. Terminology lesson: a sprinkle is like a smaller baby shower for people who already have kids. I am an adult male. As soon as the gifts came out, Owen started yelling 'Happy Birthday!' and had to help open up presents that weren't for him, or even immediate family members. Thankfully, my cousin graciously let him open one or we might have had some crying.

Yesterday afternoon, the wife had the kids while I was running around doing adult work. Owen went into her closet to punish her since she was selfishly changing the sheets on our bed instead of giving him 100% attention. That's where he discovered our secret stash of wrapping paper. Wrapping paper has to be the greatest toy ever. It's a present that has all the ecstasy of ripping apart the paper and when the paper is gone... Oh. My. God. It's a 3 FOOT CARDBOARD TUBE.

Or should I say, it's a trumpet telescope megaphone funny noise amplifier sword bridge for Thomas the tank engine thing that can be jumped up and down on. It is WAY cooler than the $550 swingset or the *insert any toy above $20 here*. Yes, I'm still bitter about how he'd rather run around in the backyard with a stick than play on the swingset.

We got the Toys 'R Us Big Book a few days ago in the mail, followed closely by the Target Toy Sale catalog and this has opened up a whole new world. Since receiving the catalogs, they have been studiously poured over and are getting pretty ragged at this point. He kept asking to go potty with his 'Magazine' and I wasn't sure what he was saying until he ran past me to find it on the floor. He spent 15 minutes in there looking through it and making random comments. "Wow, look at that!" and "It's a crane!"

Our bedtime story last night was the Target toy catalog. I was trying to ask him things like: "What numbers are those? What color is that truck? How many night jobs will Mommy need to get to afford everything you want in this catalog?" He wants no part in the learning, just to point at stuff and announce, "That's cool!"

He pointed at a picture of two boys playing with a racetrack. One kid's car obviously lost and that kid was giving the classic hand on his head frustration pose. Owen pointed him out and announced that the boy hurt his head. Opportunity! I told Owen that the boy hurt his head because he was bad. I might have told him Santa hits bad little boys in the head and doesn't bring them toys.

So, this birthday and Christmas, I'm going to the Dollar Store and getting a multi-pack of birthday wrapping paper and Christmas wrapping paper. He can destroy reams of paper, get an embarrassment of cardboard tube riches, and I'm out like $2.17 and win yet another Father-of-the-Year award.

CK