Dudity

Yes, I know. It's been a while but I have two small children. So neener neener neener.

Several years ago, I coined a word. Well two words, really. The first was steacon. A cross between steak and bacon, something the world's genetic scientists should drop everything they're currently working on and figure out how to mix a pig and a cow. The second word is the title of this post: dudity. To correctly pronounce dudity, think nudity. Wait, don't think about too much nudity...

The reason dudity rhymes with nudity is because it is nudity of a male persuasion. My initial usage was for movies and television to warn you. When you start a movie, it gets a rating like PG13 or R and it contains reasons for the rating. My favorite is comic mischief, but the rating often contains drug use, graphic violence, and, of course, nudity. But a movie should warn you if that nudity is a starlet/Brad Pitt (for the ladies) or if that nudity is Zach Galafanakis or that one horrific scene in Borat. You remember it if you watched Borat. *shiver* That's why I coined dudity with a D. Just a little D at the beginning let's me know to prepare myself for something really unpleasant. So I can look up a movie that my children want to watch and say, "No, you can't go see that, it's got Dudity in it! Go see Toy Story 13." If Land Before Time made it to 13, Toy Story deserves 13 flicks.

So, in fair warning to the general public, I am rating my son PG for Dudity and Comic Mischief. He is constantly pulling his pants off in random places for random reasons. My immediate family and closest friends are aware of this tendency, usually as he's wandering out of the bathroom after making tinkles. But the instances of public displays have seemed to be increasing recently. Just today, we were at the public fountains at Birkdale Village with maybe 15-20 kids running around and about a dozen parents keeping an eye on them. Owen was already in his swim trunks and I told him to take his sandals off. I turned around to help Lily out of her stylish cover up and put the new water shoes on her when I heard dozens of gasps in horror. Okay, it was just me gasping in horror when I turned back to see Owen with sandals on his feet and swim trunks at his ankles. I quickly yanked them back up and sent him off to play.

In the past, he has pulled his pants down in the middle of Lowes Home Improvement, our neighbor's yard (in front of the neighbors), and in the woods at Latta Plantation in front of two of my friends. The ladies at the gym's child watch learned his name quickly by referring to him as "the kid who pulls his pants down to his ankles, THEN shuffles over to the bathroom." Most of the dudity he commits is needing to go to the bathroom related, but I have no clue how to get across that it's really not acceptable to pull your pants off randomly. More acceptable when you need to go potty, but most folks wait until they're in the bathroom. Not to mention he's clumsy enough walking around the planet without having to worry about limited ankle mobility when pants are around them.

Until further notice, Earth, my son should not be viewed by the naked eye. Wait, I mean you shouldn't have to be exposed to...oops, bare with me... Aw, never mind. I'll just get a bunch of shirts that have Ds on the front and back to warn everyone of the dudity coming at 'em.

CK