One of the things I have noticed is that there are some regulars I see almost every time I go to the playground. Not necessarily the same people, but I see the same types of people and I will attempt to describe them here.
The Texter
This person is really EVERYWHERE, but the texter is usually sitting in the most prime spot for keeping an eye on the whole playground. But they aren't watching their kids, they are on their smart phone the whole time. They'll look up in the event of screaming, but it's probably 98% staring at the phone. Men are usually texters as a whole (especially on weekends), but there are some women who fall into this group. I have fallen into this category occasionally. Speaking of fallen, I once received an important call about a project being closed out and my son attempted to fall 5 feet from the monkey bars. Luckily, I know my son well enough to understand he is clumsy and had my arm around him while chatting with the state regulator when he fell. Now, he falls from the monkey bars quite regularly and I let him. He at least knows to fall on his ample bottom. Just when I was trusting my son enough to become the texter, my little girl wants to stand 5 feet up on the equipment and I have to pay close attention.
The Gossiper
This is almost exclusively the domain of the ladies. I'm not talking about idle conversation while kids chase each other in circles, I'm talking about the ones who corner you or hijack a conversation to discuss medical issues, what's wrong with your child, or to pontificate on parenting. I made the mistake of engaging a gossiper and found out she was pregnant with another kid, suffering from gestational diabetes, and was constantly constipated. Thanks. Why did Owen pick this moment to play quietly in front of me instead of running like crazy and making me chase him, thereby providing an escape?
Another instance was a Mom that cornered another lady and we went over to the swings specifically to avoid overhearing more about the difficulties conceiving. Eventually, her unsupervised 4 year old came over to the swing area and was walking in front of kids. After about the third time I had to grab Lily to stop my child's foot from concussing this little angel, I told her to watch out for the kids swinging so she wouldn't get whacked. She replied with, "You're not my Mommy." Okay, no more warnings. It was about 2 minutes before a big kid caught her on the backswing. There was screaming, gossip Mom came over mad and yelled at the big kid, and I chuckled on the inside. I almost told the gossipy Mom what happened, but I didn't want to get stuck listening to her.
I recognize that I am often guilty of excessive parenting talk in the presence of male friends. I will try not to talk about parenting and will endeavor to convey more stories in which Owen does hilarious things.
The Hoverer
I would categorize myself in this category most of the time. We follow the kids around at a safe distance to make sure they aren't face planting or walking into the midst of the swings. I try to let Owen play while keeping eyes on him. It doesn't always stop him from falling 5 feet and whacking his head on mulch, but I can at least contain him to the playground area and prevent him from escaping into traffic or the woods. I don't want to get too much in his face or prevent opportunities to play with kids his own age. I suppose I could also call this guy 'The Stalker' because I probably look creepy following small children around the playground. Most of the time I am following an exact copy of myself at 1/3 scale so it's not too bad.
The Big Kid
I'm a little bit in this category when the playground is empty. Owen needs someone to play with and I am that guy. I try to back off when it's crowded because I don't want to get in the way of a bunch of kids. I'm also slightly larger than the person most playgrounds are designed for and I would definitely have to take off my shoes to count the number of times I have whacked my head on a hard piece of equipment. Most of the other adults there don't appreciate my yelling "$%#!" in front of the kids.
The Terrible Parent
Exceptionally rare, this creature make me scratch my head and wonder how many times their children will need to be locked up. I can think of two examples.
1. We pulled up to a playground and I unloaded the kids. About the same time a mini-van pulled up and 3 kids, roughly ages 4 to 7 piled out. This particular playground is about 200 feet from the parking area and it's really difficult to see what's going on at the playground at that distance. The parent never got out of the ACed van. After about 20 minutes at the playground, we left because the kids were holy terrors. They were bossy, shoving other kids out of the way, and generally unpleasant. The parent never left the car. Come on.
2. We were at a playground shortly after lunchtime and there were two Moms there. One of the Mom's had stopped at Chick fil-A and the other had gone to Taco Bell. Granted, neither are great healthy options and my son ate McDonalds as recently as this past Monday so not really a big deal. But there was a 2 year old that was huge. I watched her eat a full chicken sandwich, waffle fries, a taco, cinnamon twirls, potato chips, popcorn, at least two juice boxes, and they were going to go get ice cream after the playground. I was able to watch her eat all this because she wouldn't go up any stairs or ladders. This girl was shorter than Owen and at least his weight. Come on.
Really, as long as you're not the terrible parent, your kid isn't beating up others, and there's no screaming, you're fine.
CK
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