I had some work stuff to do this morning, so I headed into the office, organized some files, and headed to a job site. It was a really nice break, I got to have adult discussion with big acronyms and jargon, found out that the scope of work we came up with was a good one, and the client seems to be pretty happy. I got home about 1:45 and walked into a quiet home.
Quiet because everyone was asleep. The wife wasn't, but she was mostly catatonic from a rough night. The boy was actually napping too, a rare occurrence these days. He's come down with a bit of a cold in the last 24 hours, so the wife decided to just have a nice quiet day watching tv and letting him rest. I really think it was a respite for Lily as well. She reportedly spent most of the morning lounging around and napping while Owen generally played with a few toys quietly while staring at yet another episode of "The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That". The wife said it was recommended as an educational program, so it was a productive morning. Thankfully, it's relatively entertaining and well done, especially the 6th time you've been through the episodes.
Once I was back in SAHD mode, the wife went to work by replacing girl baby with her laptop. Lily promptly fell asleep on me in the baby carrier and was out for a good three hours. Once the boy awoke, the wife went and got him, where we spent more time watching "Cat." Daddy got in a nap, Owen rested, and everyone generally had a nice day off. I think we'll be back to normal tomorrow as Owen is already showing signs of his healthy attitude. After dinner, he dumped his big basket o' toys out onto the floor and thought about a tantrum or two.
It was nice to have an 'off' day, we'll pretend this one never happened when it comes to averaging out how much tv a kid watches and it's damaging effects on their developing brain. He did learn the phrase "It's a pleasure to meet you," today so I'll chalk it up to a win overall.
CK
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Brilliant Idea
As I drove to Chick-fil-A this afternoon for a milkshake and playground time out of the heat and humidity, I realized there is a great business market for me. Both kids struggled with nap time. There were no afternoon naps, so both passed out once strapped into their seats and subjected to the gentle vibrations of the car, A/C, and the soothing sounds of Veggie Tales.
This is typically the case. Anytime we drive anywhere, Lily sleeps the whole time and Owen will pass out if he's tired. I'm introducing my new Snooze Mobile. We get a 15 passenger van, trick it out with a bunch of seats with the LATCH system, top of the line car seats and bases. Paint the inside in soothing, sleepy-time colors. Black out the windows so minimal sunlight gets in. State of the art sound system to crank the lullabies at the perfect volume.
Your kid screaming at the top of his lungs because he didn't get a nap? Got chores you can't get finished because the sparkle in your eye is obnoxious? Just want to pass out face down on your own couch with a glass of red wine spilled on the rug? Call us, we'll come get the little stinke...blessing and drive them around for as long as you like. It's like drop in day care places, except they snore the whole time.
When they wake up, we bring them back to your house and dump them in the yard for some cash money. I can't think of any downsides. Except traffic, red lights, bumps, need of a snack, thirst, or my penchant for screaming obscenities at driver's of lesser quality than myself. Tough to get repeat business the first time a little one yells, "Move your #&%!" I may have to tweak it a little to perfect it, but I'm on to a winner!
CK
This is typically the case. Anytime we drive anywhere, Lily sleeps the whole time and Owen will pass out if he's tired. I'm introducing my new Snooze Mobile. We get a 15 passenger van, trick it out with a bunch of seats with the LATCH system, top of the line car seats and bases. Paint the inside in soothing, sleepy-time colors. Black out the windows so minimal sunlight gets in. State of the art sound system to crank the lullabies at the perfect volume.
Your kid screaming at the top of his lungs because he didn't get a nap? Got chores you can't get finished because the sparkle in your eye is obnoxious? Just want to pass out face down on your own couch with a glass of red wine spilled on the rug? Call us, we'll come get the little stinke...blessing and drive them around for as long as you like. It's like drop in day care places, except they snore the whole time.
When they wake up, we bring them back to your house and dump them in the yard for some cash money. I can't think of any downsides. Except traffic, red lights, bumps, need of a snack, thirst, or my penchant for screaming obscenities at driver's of lesser quality than myself. Tough to get repeat business the first time a little one yells, "Move your #&%!" I may have to tweak it a little to perfect it, but I'm on to a winner!
CK
Monday, July 11, 2011
Today is a great day
Full disclosure, poop jokes contained herein.
The sun is shining brighter. Birds are whistling at my window sill. Beer is colder and crisper (I'm not really drinking right now since it's 9 AM, but I'll bet it would be). I'm pretty sure I'm gonna see a rainbow when I look outside.
Owen pooped in the potty by himself. Just walked in there, plopped himself down on the toilet, and plopped himself down. He came in yelling all about his accomplishment. Since he often tells us proudly that he has accomplished blowing up his underpants, excuse us for being a little jaded and expecting to find it on the $4,000 Persian Rug.
But, it was in the potty. The victory was sweet, exactly what I think it would be like to win a Super Bowl, Wimbledon, the Indy 500, and Kentucky Derby in a single glorious moment. Add the unintentional comedy of his joy when telling his Mommy, "It splashed!" and it definitely seems like we're getting really close to having this figured out.
Of course, this could just be a flash in the...wait for it...bowl. Only time will tell if we have turned a corner, but a boy can dream.
CK
The sun is shining brighter. Birds are whistling at my window sill. Beer is colder and crisper (I'm not really drinking right now since it's 9 AM, but I'll bet it would be). I'm pretty sure I'm gonna see a rainbow when I look outside.
Owen pooped in the potty by himself. Just walked in there, plopped himself down on the toilet, and plopped himself down. He came in yelling all about his accomplishment. Since he often tells us proudly that he has accomplished blowing up his underpants, excuse us for being a little jaded and expecting to find it on the $4,000 Persian Rug.
But, it was in the potty. The victory was sweet, exactly what I think it would be like to win a Super Bowl, Wimbledon, the Indy 500, and Kentucky Derby in a single glorious moment. Add the unintentional comedy of his joy when telling his Mommy, "It splashed!" and it definitely seems like we're getting really close to having this figured out.
Of course, this could just be a flash in the...wait for it...bowl. Only time will tell if we have turned a corner, but a boy can dream.
CK
Red vs. Blue
So we had our first political argument with Owen last night. It was just before dinner and I offered him some milk. Apparently, he is a Republican, as he respectfully requested red milk through his normal foot stomp and , "NO! I want RED milk!". All we had was blue milk. Not actual milk color, but the cap on top of the white milk container with white milk inside.
Since we only had blue-capped milk, I proposed a wonderful compromise of blue milk and reached across the great divide by pouring him a nice cold sippie-cup and handing it over. All I requested was a "Thank you." And a 43 million dollar pork project for my basement, but we'll hammer that out later.
The Great Communicator received this gift with Kim Jong Il level diplomacy by slapping it out of my hand and launching into a massive tirade about the discontented proletariat, complete with screaming, tears, foot-stomping, shoving of plates of dinner, and attempted throwing of the disgusting blue milk filled sippie-cup. I think we were about 2 minutes from a military parade complete with tanks and ballistic missiles to demonstrate a steadfast commitment to red milk.
Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed and bipartisanship ruled the day as the wife and I generally ignored the threats and both sides came to an agreement. The boy would settle for blue milk, accompanied with chicken, rice, and carrots, but would not be forced to eat the asparagus and corn. In the future we will hide the colored caps of all milk and juice products so as not to anger the sensibilities of the lil' banana republic dictator. Hooray Democracy!
CK
Since we only had blue-capped milk, I proposed a wonderful compromise of blue milk and reached across the great divide by pouring him a nice cold sippie-cup and handing it over. All I requested was a "Thank you." And a 43 million dollar pork project for my basement, but we'll hammer that out later.
The Great Communicator received this gift with Kim Jong Il level diplomacy by slapping it out of my hand and launching into a massive tirade about the discontented proletariat, complete with screaming, tears, foot-stomping, shoving of plates of dinner, and attempted throwing of the disgusting blue milk filled sippie-cup. I think we were about 2 minutes from a military parade complete with tanks and ballistic missiles to demonstrate a steadfast commitment to red milk.
Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed and bipartisanship ruled the day as the wife and I generally ignored the threats and both sides came to an agreement. The boy would settle for blue milk, accompanied with chicken, rice, and carrots, but would not be forced to eat the asparagus and corn. In the future we will hide the colored caps of all milk and juice products so as not to anger the sensibilities of the lil' banana republic dictator. Hooray Democracy!
CK
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Hypothetical Scenario 1
If I was going to make banana pudding for an afternoon snack and a two and a half year old (we'll call him...Bowen) wants a banana. I need the bananas for the pudding, but I am feeling benevolent and give him a chunk from one of them. "Bowen" is not happy with this, as he wants his own, whole banana, and pitches a screaming fit of epic proportions. The chunk of banana he received is thrown on the floor multiple times and is soon covered in dirt and hair.
My question, if such a hypothetical situation were to occur, is: "Am I a terrible father if I find the tantrum funny?"
On a side note, "Bowen" spent so much time telling me he wanted a whole banana and ignoring the piece he got that the dogs ended up enjoying his chunk o' banana and he got none. Didn't want any of the banana pudding when it was snack time.
CK
My question, if such a hypothetical situation were to occur, is: "Am I a terrible father if I find the tantrum funny?"
On a side note, "Bowen" spent so much time telling me he wanted a whole banana and ignoring the piece he got that the dogs ended up enjoying his chunk o' banana and he got none. Didn't want any of the banana pudding when it was snack time.
CK
Monday, July 4, 2011
72 hours of freedom
The last three days have been a mixture of blood, sweat, and a few tears. The wife took both kids (there are only two of them, right?) to her parent's place for the long weekend. I was both excited and a little bummed. Excited because it gives me a taste of that bachelor freedom from years ago. Bummed because I have a ton of fun with them.
I had big plans to get some work done around the house. The iPod was charged and loaded, all the heavy machinery was ready to go, and I did get a ton of stuff finished over the course of the weekend. Of course, I also spent a lot of time trying to come up with toddler friendly words to replace the old sailor friendly language I usually use when I cut my finger, slam a thumb, or drop the heavy machinery on my foot. I was really trying to practice because Owen is starting to want to help with things. Pretty sure "Son of a..." isn't the best thing to enthusiastically yell in front of someone who likes repeating terms ad nauseum that have been enthusiastically yelled. I'm currently fond of "Bust my buffers!" "Cinders and ashes!" and "Pit stop!" Okay, I stole them from Thomas the Tank Engine and the movie Cars, what do you want from me?
Not only did I catch up on projects around the home, I managed to squeeze some time with my parents on their boat. I was astonished to discover that taking a toddler on the boat means I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Going on the boat without the toddler results in a day on the lake that ends with me feeling rested. Even took a short nap out there. A NAP!
I did miss the family and couldn't wait to see them when they came home this afternoon. The car pulled up in the driveway, the door opened, and I was greeted by the exhausted mother of my children, a screaming little boy, and a girl baby that would be screaming within 60 seconds. Our house finally felt like a home again. All that peace and quiet just wasn't right, turns out I kind of missed the chaos. Not much, but I did miss it. The clock currently shows 9:30 on the Fourth of July with fireworks going off all over the neighborhood. We'd both rather be in bed asleep right now. Life is back to normal.
Back to the salt mines tomorrow as a SAHD. Just need to remember to use my new toddler friendly epithets as I gently parent them through life.
CK
I had big plans to get some work done around the house. The iPod was charged and loaded, all the heavy machinery was ready to go, and I did get a ton of stuff finished over the course of the weekend. Of course, I also spent a lot of time trying to come up with toddler friendly words to replace the old sailor friendly language I usually use when I cut my finger, slam a thumb, or drop the heavy machinery on my foot. I was really trying to practice because Owen is starting to want to help with things. Pretty sure "Son of a..." isn't the best thing to enthusiastically yell in front of someone who likes repeating terms ad nauseum that have been enthusiastically yelled. I'm currently fond of "Bust my buffers!" "Cinders and ashes!" and "Pit stop!" Okay, I stole them from Thomas the Tank Engine and the movie Cars, what do you want from me?
Not only did I catch up on projects around the home, I managed to squeeze some time with my parents on their boat. I was astonished to discover that taking a toddler on the boat means I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Going on the boat without the toddler results in a day on the lake that ends with me feeling rested. Even took a short nap out there. A NAP!
I did miss the family and couldn't wait to see them when they came home this afternoon. The car pulled up in the driveway, the door opened, and I was greeted by the exhausted mother of my children, a screaming little boy, and a girl baby that would be screaming within 60 seconds. Our house finally felt like a home again. All that peace and quiet just wasn't right, turns out I kind of missed the chaos. Not much, but I did miss it. The clock currently shows 9:30 on the Fourth of July with fireworks going off all over the neighborhood. We'd both rather be in bed asleep right now. Life is back to normal.
Back to the salt mines tomorrow as a SAHD. Just need to remember to use my new toddler friendly epithets as I gently parent them through life.
CK
Thursday, June 30, 2011
There's a burr in my britches
At least that's what Lily has been trying to tell us all day, she must be going through some sort of teething/growth spurt. Her vocabulary has definitely expanded and she's probably been talking more the last two days than the first three months combined. I call it "Gettin' lippy."
Had my first playdate with some of the local neighborhood moms and it was a lot of fun. What's not to love? Free food, someone else's toys and house, and the kid chases other kids around while Daddy sits down. Sure, it is a little creepy being the only guy there, but the host has a husband who goes to work later than most and a teenage boy, so it wasn't ALL estrogen in the house. I'm sure we'll end up hosting one sooner or later and I'll be forced to clean our home. Boo.
Two conversations I've had over the last 24 hours worth conveying, and neither of them involved talking directly to the kids. Last night, right at lights out for Mommy and Daddy, I thought for a good 15 seconds, then asked the wife, "What day is it?"
The second was at lunch when I was joking with the baby about how Daddy would have a minor heart attack when Mommy eventually brings her home with earrings. Somehow we got to the wife stating she'd be perfectly fine with a nose piercing. Wait, whaaaaaattttttt? Owen chose this point to chime in that he wants earrings. Great. I'm struggling with the whole earring thing, and my wife is already picking nose jewelry. I'm pretty sure I saw her designing butterfly tattoos in her office this afternoon.
The wife is leaving tomorrow after work to take both kids to visit her parents out of town. And Sam Adams is on sale, gonna be a man-tastic weekend. Did I just use the term man-tastic? I should be thumped.
CK
Had my first playdate with some of the local neighborhood moms and it was a lot of fun. What's not to love? Free food, someone else's toys and house, and the kid chases other kids around while Daddy sits down. Sure, it is a little creepy being the only guy there, but the host has a husband who goes to work later than most and a teenage boy, so it wasn't ALL estrogen in the house. I'm sure we'll end up hosting one sooner or later and I'll be forced to clean our home. Boo.
Two conversations I've had over the last 24 hours worth conveying, and neither of them involved talking directly to the kids. Last night, right at lights out for Mommy and Daddy, I thought for a good 15 seconds, then asked the wife, "What day is it?"
The second was at lunch when I was joking with the baby about how Daddy would have a minor heart attack when Mommy eventually brings her home with earrings. Somehow we got to the wife stating she'd be perfectly fine with a nose piercing. Wait, whaaaaaattttttt? Owen chose this point to chime in that he wants earrings. Great. I'm struggling with the whole earring thing, and my wife is already picking nose jewelry. I'm pretty sure I saw her designing butterfly tattoos in her office this afternoon.
The wife is leaving tomorrow after work to take both kids to visit her parents out of town. And Sam Adams is on sale, gonna be a man-tastic weekend. Did I just use the term man-tastic? I should be thumped.
CK
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